A Drive By Shooting

Actually, it was more of a walk by than a drive by. It was also more of a squirting than a shooting. But I was hit and there was red stuff.

Joni, Angie and I were minding our own business at the grocery section of Wal-Mart the other day. I was trying to head my family to the important places, like the cookie and coffee isle.

All of a sudden, I hear a little kid’s voice from behind me and around my ankles. The voice was saying those two words adults everywhere dread.

“Uh, oh!”

Nothing good ever happens when you hear those words. Before I could turn around, something red splashed near my feet.

My first thought came from seeing too many CSI shows. Blood spatter! Before I could get a DNA sample, I heard the little boy’s mother behind me. “It’s okay, honey, it’s only ketchup.”

Footsteps behind me told the story. The little guy had spilled a ketchup bottle on the floor. Mom didn’t notice any real damage, so they took off. About that time I felt something wet on my backside. It was ketchup! It was all over the back of my jeans. I had a hiney full of Heinz.

I’m sure his mother didn’t know I had been hit. Or maybe she realized it, but didn’t know how to approach me. “I’m sorry sir; I think my son put ketchup on your buns.” She surely didn’t know.

As I headed off to the bathroom, I had a fleeting thought about trying to find the ketchup culprit. I could have the security people stop any kid under 10 and check for ketchup under their fingernails. Then a Bible verse hit me—One of my favorite prayers of Jesus.

Luke 23:34, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Jesus prayed this for the solders who were crucifying him. If Jesus can pray that prayer for those guys, I can pray the same prayer after being ambushed by Ronald McDonald.

I love this prayer. I pray it for people who shut off their brains and then leave their mouths running. It’s great for folks who say things that hurt my feelings or irritate me. It’s a fantastic prayer for other drivers who forget to bring their Seeing Eye Dog with them. I’ve prayed this prayer for people when I have one nerve left and someone is getting on it.

I’ll likely never know the identity of my condiment assailant, but I know how to pray for people like him.

I think it would work for mustard, too…. .