Cashier Angel

Cashier Angel

Cashiers are my heroes. They really are amazing people. I know this because I tried to be one last week.
I was at Safeway on a Hubby Home Mission. You know; Joni called and said, “Honey, on your way home could you pick up…? In my case, it was two packages of cream cheese.

I got to Safeway, accomplished the mission and headed to the check stands. I saw some of those “do-it-yourself” check- out stands, and thought they looked kind of fun. It must be a guy thing. I’m drawn to computer screens. This thing was like a consumer video game without a joy stick.

In the distance I noticed Mandi (that’s what her name tag said.) Actually I know Mandi. She is Mac Sumner’s daughter. Her job that day was to oversee the self serve check out machines. We smiled at each other, and then I faced my mechanical opponent. The reason I say this that is I have a long and unhappy history with any mechanical devise. I fully believe the self check out machines had just held a meeting before I arrived. The meeting went like this

“Hey, here comes that preacher again”
“I hope he comes to me, I can’t wait to mess with his mind.”

Mechanical devises are always out to get me. This auto checkout was no exception. I innocently pushed the start button. It asks me if I want my instructions in English or Spanish. (English is a good choice) It then asks me to scan the cream cheese. I take the first one and hunt the box over for the UPS symbol, (which is not easy to find.) I locate it and scan the cream cheese. Then the machine attacks.

It tells me to bag my items. I still have a 2nd package of cream cheese to scan! It would be unpreacher like pay for one cream cheese and leave the store with another one. I’m trying to tell the machine that, but we were having a failure to communicate.

So I do what I always do when faced with a mechanical challenge; I get a dazed stupid look on my face that screams to the world, “The Dummy is trouble. HELP!!” I glanced over to see if Mandi could help. I couldn’t find her.

I didn’t think to look at my elbow.

She was right beside me, still smiling. She pushed a couple of buttons and the video villain fell into instant submission. Mand scanned my second cream cheese, put both of them in a bag, and showed me how to pay. Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude I felt I should say something, so I said
“I guess you get a lot of blank stares from people” She chuckled and said
“Part of the job.” She smiled and vanished, off to deal with another blank stare.

As I pondered the presence of Mandi, I also pondered the presence of God. God in one sense is in heaven watching over us. He notices everything. Sparrows falling out of trees, and the number of follicles on our foreheads do not escape his notice. (Matthew 10:29-31) And before we can even whisper a panicked prayer, God is by our side, helping, comforting, and pushing the right buttons to help us through a difficult time.

I’m grateful Mandi was there to help me. I’m even more grateful that God is with me before I need Him, and helps me through any situation.

Even with cream cheese.

Batteries NOT included

All I wanted to do was watch a movie. It’s usually a fairly simple procedure. I turned on the T.V, popped the DVD in, grabbed the DVD remote, and…. Nothing!!! The remote didn’t work. Panic in the streets! This was a crisis. Of course Joni and Angie didn’t see the emergency here. For a guy, not having a remote control ranks up there with our Economic crisis or famine in Africa. But this situation was worse. I had a remote in my hand but it wasn’t working. This was a major catastrophe.

But I kept my head. I just did a little remote surgery and it revealed the problem—no batteries. Now at this point, there are three options—I could call the local store and see if they would deliver batteries. I could try plan B (check the freezer—I should have 4 AAA batteries there). So I open our freezer. I have AA Batteries, C batteries, D batteries and even a car battery, but applying Murphy’s Law of Freezer Batteries for the Remote, no AAA batteries.

At this moment Joni offers a wifely suggestion. “Honey, just take the batteries from the TV remote for the DVD remote. To a wife’s mind this seems logical, but she just doesn’t understand the potential risks and perils of this decision. If I took the batteries out of the TV remote, and put them in the DVD remote, I would still be left with only ONE remote. Suppose I started the movie and then suddenly had to turn the volume down. We could all turn deaf in the time it would take me to switch batteries. What would happen if I was able to turn the volume down and all of a sudden someone had to go potty and I couldn’t ‘pause’ the movie? They might miss the 26 previews and even miss the FBI warning not to copy the movie. Nope, out of sacrificial love for my family, we simply have to watch our movie with two remotes. I even have matching holsters so I can grab the remotes seamlessly so my family can have the maximum movie watching experience (just kidding!).

The Terror Alert for my house was now red. I have a movie to watch. My decapitated remote is crying to me from the sofa. So when the going gets tough, the tough pilfer batteries from another remote. I quickly ran to our Remote Cemetery, that final resting place for remotes that belong to devises you no longer own. Okay, I know some guys that know exactly what batteries are in what gismo. Me, I learned that if it plugs in, it might not be using batteries like the toaster and the refrigerator. After dissecting 10 different remotes, and thowing away the mountain of AA batteries, I came to a conclusion. I really need a remote that changes its own batteries. What’s that, you say? “Get a life, Laver!” You’re right, of course. We have to replace our own batteries. It’s all part of living in this hard, cruel world.

It wouldn’t hurt if all of us could remember that we need to change our own batteries in our spiritual like as well. We don’t depend on the church to keep our spiritual lives charged up. Christian Radio and TV shouldn’t be expected to keep your spiritual life wound up. We are to do for ourselves.

Jesus said, “I am the batteries, you are the remote. If you keep me in our life, then you will have power to change channels, power satellites, and even control remote theater systems.” John 15:1-3. (Okay, so Jesus used vine and branches as an example, but it’s the same basic idea.)

As an example, Charlee Rutherford, a delightful new lady in our church, came in the other day. She was excitedly telling Joni and I about the fast she is doing, the Scriptures she is memorizing, and expanding her prayer life. She even pulled out her Spiritual Journey Sheet and showed us her progress in her spiritual growth! This wonderful lady has changed her own batteries.

Or Ryan, a youth in our Tuesday night High School youth group, jumped in and led a group of his peers in a great discussion on our material, and even asked for a copy of the book we are studying. He is replacing his own batteries.

And Pastor Darin, who leads the youth group? Let’s just say he makes the Energizer Bunny look like Grandma Moses in a wheelchair!

I ended up driving to the store and buying a value pack of AAA batteries. I don’t want to be without power again! Neither should we be without power in our own spiritual lives!
Now where is my cell phone?

Flooding in Stupidity

Have you ever done something really stupid? Did you ask yourself why you did it and couldn’t come up with an answer? That was me this morning. I noticed our toilet was plugged, so I grabbed the second oldest tool in the world, and started plunging.
After about 5 minutes of potty aerobics, I decided that the silly thing should be unplugged so I flushed it. The bowl filled with water, (clean by now) but didn’t flush. I should have kept plunging…
At this point, stupidity set in. I don’t know why I did it. Anyone else would have kept plunging, but no, I did a stupid human trick. I flushed the toilet again.
Back in third grade science, I remember learning that if you keep filling something, and nothing is draining out, soon the contents will overflow. I know there is a scientific word for it, but let’s just say that Mount Toilet erupted all over the bathroom floor.
Here’s your plumbing hint of the day. If you put a plunger into a toilet that is overflowing with water, and start plunging again, even more water will spill on the floor. Here’s also a consumer alert. Those paper towels don’t soak up as much water in real like as they do on T.V, I don’t care what brand it is.
After my third trip to the laundry room (and past Joni) for the paper towels, and two different mops, my alert and astute wife figured out her husband was trying to be brilliant. So she sweetly asked, “What did you do?”
I thought that telling her “I tried to unplug the toilet by flushing it three times” would not be a good thing. As a preacher, I thought the Biblical story of Noah would be helpful, but flooding the bathroom floor is little extreme for an object lesson. So I resorted to a time honored husbandly tradition. I just grunted and hoped I could get the mess cleaned up before she got curious. I almost made it.
So why did I do it? I’ve been asking myself all morning . I know that you don’t unplug a toilet by flushing it over and over. You plunge it, and yell unpastoral things at it.
The Bible doesn’t mention the apostle Paul having any plumbing problems, but Paul does express frustration over not always knowing why he does what he does. Romans 7:16-20 says,
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.£ For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Paul wanted to do what is right but he doesn’t. He knows what sin is, and does it anyway. Why? Because of our nature to sin, which somewhat resembles what we find in a toilet.

The good news is that the mop is found in Romans 8:1, Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Our sins are mopped away, cleaned, and sterilized by the cross of Calvary. Joni had to mop the floor for me. Jesus hung on the cross for us. The result is the same, a new start. We still make boneheaded mistakes. We take them to the cross, learn from our mistakes and start new again.

Now where did I put that plunger.

It's all in the card!

What’s in your wallet? No, I’m not a Capital One Commercial. It’s this nagging bulge on my backside. It’s amazing what you can learn when you open your wallet. I’m being held captive in a prison of plastic. I’m not talking credit cards. I’m referring to the other cards that seem to be multiplying and having Credit Card Kids in my billfold.

Here’s just a sample of what I dug out the other day.

AAA Card
Safeway club card
Starbucks gift card
Greenhouse Café punch card (one full and one half full)
Promise Keepers membership card
Promise Keepers card (last year)
Promise Keepers card (2 years ago)
ATT phone card (Have no clue how many minutes are on the thing)
AARP (Oops! How did that get there?)
Cutting Edge card (Local gym. They know me so they don’t ask for it)
Hollywood video (They don’t ask for it either)
Regal Crown Club Card (You attend 50 movies and get a free kernel of popcorn.)
Powells Book Store gift card (No idea of amount)
Barnes and Nobel book store membership card (at think it earns bonus points)
Cosco Card (Enter and spend)
Scooters Coffee (I forget where that is. It’s near Albany I think.)
McDonalds gift card (I know where that is)

We use these crazy cards all the time. Gift cards are redeemed for gifts (Plus they’re easier to wrap and easier to find the right size). I can redeem my coffee card and a get a free latte. The card provides some sort of benefit or privilege.

What we do in our daily life with these cards is a concept fresh out of the New Testament. We REEDEM a card, to get a gift. What we do in stores with plastic cards, Christ did for us with a wooden cross. He redeemed us. We’re called to do that for others as well.

Consider that great line in the Lord’s prayer “Forgive us our debts, as we forget our debtors. (Matthew 6:12). We forgive, or redeem people. So the next time you pry a store card, or gift card from your wallet or purse, think

Christ
Always
Redeems
Debtors

The card in your hand of course does not measure up to Christ on the cross. But we can have a plastic prompter to remind us of the redemption of the Lord. When you trade in a gift card, remember Christ’s gift of salvation on the cross. When you show a card to get a discount, or a service, remember to cut some slack to someone who has wronged you. When you show a membership card, remember that in Christ we are members of Christ’s church and He loves us.

It’s all in the cards!

Suckered by Sudoku

It’s my mother-in-law’s fault. We were on vacation last week with Joni’s family. Joni’s mom, Betty had brought Sudoku, a board game version of the popular newspaper puzzle. Joni and I are now addicted.
The word is pronounced, Su – Doe- Ku it’s a Japanese word that means “mental torture that can become addictive over time.” The puzzle itself is seductively simple. It looks like a crossword puzzle minus the words. Its nine blocks long, and nine blocks wide. Thus you have 81 blanks of terror. There are random numbers in a few of the blocks. The goal is to fill in the blanks. You have to get the numbers, 1-9 in each row and column and each small grid of 16. You can’t repeat a number. There is only one correct solution and about 100 wrongs ones. Trust me on this.
It’s one of those activities in life like cobra charming that looks easy from a distance and is really wild when you do it yourself. But I’m a good sport, so I tackle a puzzle. Actually, it’s fun. It’s also very challenging. After about an hour and a half, I did what every college educated, logical, man of the cloth would do in these situations.

I cheated.

Hey, they put the answers on the back of the game card! I was just making sure I had the right number. If you get one number wrong, you are screwed up. (Technical puzzle solving term) Thus, it’s helpful to do these puzzles in pencil, rather than pen or crayon.
When we got home from vacation, I thought I would get some peace from this puzzle panic, and then Joni comes home from the grocery store. It seemed that one of the Sudoku books was taunting her at the check stand, so she had to buy it. The problem with the book is that we only have one. There are two of us in this marriage. So now we have Sudoku Wrestling to see who will get to do the next puzzle. We try to do these things while we watch T.V. in the evenings.

I say try, because unlike myself, Joni can multi-task. She can do a puzzle, do cross stitch, watch T.V. and hold an intelligent conversation all at the same time. Me? I have to have complete silence to tie my shoes. Thus, she can do more puzzles than I can. We also have a little competition in the book itself. We write notes on the top of each page, summarizing our puzzle experience. Joni smugly writes, “I did this one correct on the first try.” I write on my mine, “This took me 3 days and 400 eraser marks.”

I wonder if they have support groups for this sort of thing? The meeting would open with, “Hi, I’m Bob, and I’m a Sudoku addict.” In my group, I’m guessing there would be complete silence inn the group because everyone would be busying trying to place the #3 in the right spot.

They tell me that you have to use logic and reasoning to do Sudoku. That makes sense. That’s why people don’t do these puzzles during church. Many people think you have to check logic and reason at the door when you come to church, or read the Bible. Nothing could be further from the church.

The Bible tells me that I serve a Sudoku Savior. Look at Isaiah 1:18, Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

We had sin in our lives. Sin has a price. Jesus paid the price for us and offered us that as a gift. We receive the gift it and we have eternal life. It’s simple logic. The Bible is logical and reasonable. If you don’t believe me, just sneak a peek at the answers in the last book in the Bible and we find out that God wins, and we win!

Now if I can just get that puzzle book away from Joni….

Boring Movie Night!

It was such a promising night at the Laver Household. All the kids were gone for the weekend. Joni and I went to a favorite local video store and we each chose a movie. Joni‘s movie was a classic chick flick. Mine was more action/adventure. We watched her movie on Friday night and mine on Saturday evening.
Her movie started with a sad premise. The heroine’s finance died, and she moves into his house with his three roommates. Then an ex girlfriend shows up with a kid. The finance’s mom was doing something with a wedding ring. There is a fly fishing subplot, but these are all city people. Are you confused so far? So were we! We kept wondering, “How long is this stupid movie going to go on?”
But now I had bragging rights. My movie would be superior. It was a manly movie, not some chick flick. This one was about the CIA. It had two well know actors in it. One even won an Oscar for his role. But, half way through the movie, neither Joni or I had the faintest idea what was going on. We finally turned it off, halfway through the movie (something I rarely do).
This usually doesn’t happen to me. I’m sort of a movie buff. I never rent a movie without doing research on it. I look at websites such as screenit.com, and others that help explain the plot, characters, etc. I also talk to friends, read reviews, etc so I know what I’m watching. It prevents a Boring Movie Night.
Unfortunately, many people read the Bible like Boring Movie Night. People open the Bible and start reading without knowing the story, the plot or the main characters. They eventually shut the Bible and say “wow, that was boring.”
Do some research! Websites such as crosswalk.com, biblestudy.org, and bible.org are helpful in getting background on Bible books, Bible stories and Bible themes. A low tech approach would be looking at your church library, (or your pastors library) for books that will help you get more out of your Bible study. Call your small group leader or pastoral staff. We stand ready to help you. Get a hold of a study Bible and read the study notes.
God uses the longest chapter in the Bible, Psalm 119, to talk totally about the benefits of the Bible. Verse 11 says “Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” Verse 50 says “This is my comfort in my affliction, that your word has revived me.”
The Bible is not meant to be a boring movie. It is meant to be a thrill ride and a rollercoaster cinematic adventure, that you wish would go on forever. Do your homework, pray, start to read or listen to the scripture and get ready for the time of your life.
As for movies, next time I’ll try a comedy.

Stop Light Stare Down

Three people were glaring at me again. I hate it when that happens. I was at the four way stop in the center of town in Molalla. As usual, I was daydreaming, not paying attention, and so we play the guessing game. Whose turn it is to go?
Let me make one thing clear. I actually enjoy traffic lights. Stop lights are like mini rest areas without the bathrooms. When a light is red, I get about 34 seconds to relax from the frustrations of driving and do stuff. I have plenty of time to adjust the radio, take a bite of my cheeseburger, or drink a sip of coffee. I can check my cell phone, or start working on my sermon. Actually at a regular stop light, I can do all the things I’m NOT supposed to do while driving. I can do them with a clear conscience.
But a four-way stop is a different story. They require me to actually pay attention. But I’ve found that even alert drivers get traffic amnesia. I just can’t remember the right of way laws. Thus, most of us revert back to those great lessons mom taught us.
1. Take turns, so the first car there is the first one to go.
2. Be nice and let others go first.

If that doesn’t work, we usually resort to hand signals or facials expressions, both of which are hard to read when you are 20 feet away and staring through a windshield. I’ve noticed a common hand signal that most people use. If someone has their hand out and their wrist and fingers are waving toward them, it means,

“Okay, bonehead, go on.” or (the more polite, Christian version)
“I’m in a good mood go ahead.”
This works well unless you are doing the same signal to them. You end up waving to each other and no one is moving.

At that point, I think it would be much simpler each of us four drivers would put our cars in park, get out, walk to the middle of the intersection, and have a friendly meeting. We might come to the following decision,,,

The guy in the semi truck is bigger than all of us, so he can go first.
The lady in the blue bronco has cranky kids in the back so she can go second.
The guy in the green P.T. Cruiser has had a long day and needs get home. He goes third.
The preacher hasn’t been paying attention so he gets to go last, and signs a written contact pay closer attention to the intersection.

Alas, we usually just sit in our cars and try to read each other’s minds.

In the Bible, I doubt the apostle Peter had to deal with four way chariot stops, but he did warn us to be alert about something far more dangerous than other drivers 1 Peter 4:8 says to “be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to desire.”

Fortunately, at four ways stops, most people are more alert than I am. They watch the other drivers and work in automotive unity. As Christians, we should take a lesson from four ways stops. Be alert, watchful, and careful. Satan wants to do more harm to us than simple traffic issues.

So, if you see me at a four way stop, be nice to me, I’ll be the one daydreaming…