Batteries NOT included

All I wanted to do was watch a movie. It’s usually a fairly simple procedure. I turned on the T.V, popped the DVD in, grabbed the DVD remote, and…. Nothing!!! The remote didn’t work. Panic in the streets! This was a crisis. Of course Joni and Angie didn’t see the emergency here. For a guy, not having a remote control ranks up there with our Economic crisis or famine in Africa. But this situation was worse. I had a remote in my hand but it wasn’t working. This was a major catastrophe.

But I kept my head. I just did a little remote surgery and it revealed the problem—no batteries. Now at this point, there are three options—I could call the local store and see if they would deliver batteries. I could try plan B (check the freezer—I should have 4 AAA batteries there). So I open our freezer. I have AA Batteries, C batteries, D batteries and even a car battery, but applying Murphy’s Law of Freezer Batteries for the Remote, no AAA batteries.

At this moment Joni offers a wifely suggestion. “Honey, just take the batteries from the TV remote for the DVD remote. To a wife’s mind this seems logical, but she just doesn’t understand the potential risks and perils of this decision. If I took the batteries out of the TV remote, and put them in the DVD remote, I would still be left with only ONE remote. Suppose I started the movie and then suddenly had to turn the volume down. We could all turn deaf in the time it would take me to switch batteries. What would happen if I was able to turn the volume down and all of a sudden someone had to go potty and I couldn’t ‘pause’ the movie? They might miss the 26 previews and even miss the FBI warning not to copy the movie. Nope, out of sacrificial love for my family, we simply have to watch our movie with two remotes. I even have matching holsters so I can grab the remotes seamlessly so my family can have the maximum movie watching experience (just kidding!).

The Terror Alert for my house was now red. I have a movie to watch. My decapitated remote is crying to me from the sofa. So when the going gets tough, the tough pilfer batteries from another remote. I quickly ran to our Remote Cemetery, that final resting place for remotes that belong to devises you no longer own. Okay, I know some guys that know exactly what batteries are in what gismo. Me, I learned that if it plugs in, it might not be using batteries like the toaster and the refrigerator. After dissecting 10 different remotes, and thowing away the mountain of AA batteries, I came to a conclusion. I really need a remote that changes its own batteries. What’s that, you say? “Get a life, Laver!” You’re right, of course. We have to replace our own batteries. It’s all part of living in this hard, cruel world.

It wouldn’t hurt if all of us could remember that we need to change our own batteries in our spiritual like as well. We don’t depend on the church to keep our spiritual lives charged up. Christian Radio and TV shouldn’t be expected to keep your spiritual life wound up. We are to do for ourselves.

Jesus said, “I am the batteries, you are the remote. If you keep me in our life, then you will have power to change channels, power satellites, and even control remote theater systems.” John 15:1-3. (Okay, so Jesus used vine and branches as an example, but it’s the same basic idea.)

As an example, Charlee Rutherford, a delightful new lady in our church, came in the other day. She was excitedly telling Joni and I about the fast she is doing, the Scriptures she is memorizing, and expanding her prayer life. She even pulled out her Spiritual Journey Sheet and showed us her progress in her spiritual growth! This wonderful lady has changed her own batteries.

Or Ryan, a youth in our Tuesday night High School youth group, jumped in and led a group of his peers in a great discussion on our material, and even asked for a copy of the book we are studying. He is replacing his own batteries.

And Pastor Darin, who leads the youth group? Let’s just say he makes the Energizer Bunny look like Grandma Moses in a wheelchair!

I ended up driving to the store and buying a value pack of AAA batteries. I don’t want to be without power again! Neither should we be without power in our own spiritual lives!
Now where is my cell phone?