Grand Theft Elder

In today’s world, church elders and pastoral staff need to have solid qualities to help the church face this changing culture. These qualities include:

Maturity in the Lord
Love for the scriptures
The ability to use a Slim Jim

Okay, so the last quality is not found in the New Testament. It did come in handy on our return trip from Idaho a couple of weeks ago.

Six of us, Allen, Dorys, Andy, Ryan and Sara and I were in my van, and we were caravanning with Dan and Vicki who were in Dan’s truck. We stopped at a rest stop in Boardman to stretch our legs. Dan was sitting in his truck, driver’s door open, reading a map. He and I were talking about the distance to home, where to stop for dinner, etc. As I leaned on his door handle I heard a loud click. I didn’t think too much about it at the time.

Automatic door locks can be a useful thing. Truck manu-facturers didn’t factor in silly preachers whose elbows are not where they should be. Vicki was not in the van and Dan had shut the door and the preacher locked it. His keys and wallet were in the truck.

Houston, we have a problem!

I learned a lot about Allen White on this trip. I already knew he was gifted in bus ministry and children’s ministry. He is a talented trumpet player. On this trip, I learned he has a love for books. I also learned he loves a challenge, especially mechanical. He is a great problem solver.

I’ m not as much a problem solver as I am a problem whiner. My motto is, “when the going gets tough, the tough moan and complain.” But this was an emergency, so I summoned all my mechanical ability and called AAA. Actually, Dan called AAA and I was standing by ready to help if needed. (Don’t ask how many people does it take to make a phone call?)

Meanwhile, Allen had recruited Andy, our associate pastor, and sped to work. They needed something long and thin to squeeze between the door and the truck and push the unlock button. I’m long and fat, so I wouldn’t work. Allen surgically removed the antenna on my van. Andy jumped on the trucks running board, grabbed the door, and pulled it toward him while Allen worked the antenna. While MacGyver and Rambo were breaking into the truck, Dan was still talking to AAA while I supervised. We all prayed that an elder and our associate pastor were as good at criminal mischief as they are as spiritual leaders.

They were. Allen and Andy (AA) got the door open just as AAA told us someone would be there in two hours to help us.


And if the preacher locks your keys in your car, call AA!