Preachers Office Genesis

A remodeling reading of Genesis 1-2, )
With sincere apologies to Bible translators everywhere.

In the beginning, was a preacher’s office. It was formless and void of neatness. There were books and files scattered everywhere and the spirit of disorganization was hovering over stacks of papers, old coffee cups, and journals.

And the remodeling committee said “Let there be a new office!” And they created a new office and placed the preacher in there. And many people saw it was not good for the preacher to be alone and left to his own organizational folly so they brought forth Vicki Reece, and placed her in the pastor’s office. Vicki said, “Let there be order and organization.” And it was evening and morning, the first day.

And Vicki said, “Let the books of your library be organized into areas of order. And let there be an expanse between Biblical studies, and Charlie Brown comic books. And the greater light can be on the gospel of John, and Alexander Campbell, and the lesser light be on Dave Barry and Dick Van Dyke. And it was evening and it was morning, the second day.

And Vicki said, “Let there be files made according to topic, and we will separate the to-do lists from 1993, from the box of post-it notes containing phone numbers and no names. Let the office teem with file drawers. And Vicki separated the unopened magazines, and papers that once covered the floor, the desk and walls, and she commanded that they be gathered into organized hanging files for easy future reference. And she commanded that the file folders to be fruitful and multiply. And there was order over the surface of the preacher’s desk, and beautiful new carpet immerged from the floor. And it was evening and morning, the third and fourth day. (This was a two day project).

And then Carol Lasky brought forth a microwave so that the preacher could heat up lunch leftovers, and Jodee Shadrick brought forth a really cool coffee pot and placed it in the preacher’s office. And Vicki said, “Let there be clean coffee cups!” Then Vicki banished into the church kitchen the old coffee cups from the preachers office that were bringing forth vegetation and mold and other manners of alien life. There was great and abundant rejoicing among the coffee drinking crew in the remodeling crew, (and even one youth minister) because they could actually find a clean coffee cup in which to pour their fresh coffee. And there was a table wherein people could truly sit and enjoy a cup of coffee in the preacher’s office. Vicki also brought forth a place mat up on which the clumsy clergyman could spill his coffee while pouring it. It was evening, and morning, the fifth day.

Then Vicki said, let us divide the preachers two guitars in the office from the worship music the preacher has collected over the years. And behold Vicki placed a garbage can in the office, and instructed the preacher as to its proper use. And the women of the church said to the preacher, “To all the pastoral duties you shall freely engage yourself, preaching, calling, counseling, and writing. But if you let this office revert back to its former state, on that day, you will surely die!”

And on the Sabbath, Vickie and other organizers rested from their labors. And the preacher preached the gospel unto the people, and he was indeed exceedingly grateful to all those who helped with the remodel and organizing him.

And it was very good!