Meet My New Friend, Jay Leno

Not exactly a friend, more like a new acquaintance. Okay, not even an acquaintance. Let me explain.

Our family was at Universal Studios Theme Park recently. There are theme park characters walking all around. Joni, and Angie got their picture taken with Zorro. So we go around a corner and I see a guy dressed up in a Jay Leno costume. Only it’s not a costume -it’s Jay Leno! He’s taping a segment of his show called “Jaywalking.” He interviews people on the street in hopes they will have stupid answers to his questions. Joni rushes over, trying to capture the Kodak moment. As she is snapping a picture of one of my idols, this lady walks up to me, clipboard in hand and says,

“Would you like to be interviewed by Jay Leno.?

“Wow.! Would I?” I’m led to a line, and I sign a release form saying I can be on TV, and won’t sue if a camera falls on my head. I’m wearing my floppy hat from Hawaii. With my gray beard, I look like Gilligan in a nursing home. I’m wearing a T-Shirt that says, “ Alcatraz, Psycho Unit: Outpatient.” I’m introduced to Jay, he asks me where I’m from and what I do. I mention I’m a minister. He says,

“So, does that shirt make your congregation nervous?”
I think I said something witty and brilliant like,

“Yes”

The interview itself was a Jaywalking segment called “What you learned in school.” Specifically, there were three sets of questions, 2nd grade, 4th grade, and 8th grade. Jay asked me,
“So, you’ve been to college? Again, my charming comeback,

“Yes”

I got the 2nd grade questions, which were actually easy. So I got moved up to 4th grade.
I remember Mrs. Donohue was my fourth grade teacher. I recall liking her, and having a good year. I obviously didn’t learn anything though. Jay’s next question was
“What do whales eat?” I have a bachelor’s degree, a masters degree, and an earned doctorate. So, my educated answer was

“Uh”

Jay was trying to helpful.
“It’ starts with ‘P”.

I thought about peanut butter, which I’m sure all living things must eat. Jay continued his questions to the brain damaged preacher
“It contains the word plank.”
Back to 2nd grade.
That’s how you get to be on national TV. This interview was not at all how it played out in my imagination. I thought I would be chatting with dear brother Jay, and he would be amused by my whit and charm. He would be so impressed that he would ask me to be one of his writers. I would still live and preach here, but on the side, I would be his main humor writer. Okay, so I have a rich fantasy life. The most whitty thing I did was shake his hand.

I’ve liked Jay Leno for years. He is a good comedian, and I enjoy his humor. I always thought it would be cool to be at a taping for his show, and get to be in the front row and shake his hand as he greets the audience before each monologue.
Now I’ve actually shaken Jay Leno’s hand. And yes, I have washed my hand. (but not before Joni, Angie and Cassie shook it first!.) My hand didn’t glow. I didn’t feel any current or anything special by shaking his hand. But I’ll remember the experience. I’ll tell my grandkids, who will look up at their grandfather with admiration and ask,
“Who’s Jay Leno?” I’m the only one who will remember this experience.
I’m guessing Jay Leno won’t. I say this is because right before the interview, he paused to sign a few autographs, and then turned back to be and said to his crew
“Back to work.”
I’m part of the job. Just one of the dozens of people he interviews, shakes hands with and visits as part of being a big T.V. star. I’m likely the fat guy in the funny hat and shirt.
That’s okay. Now each time I see Jay Leno I’ll know he’s shorter in person than on TV. (he fills my screen) I also know that he doesn’t remember me. I’ll remember though, that more than 30 years ago, I met another celebrity. I didn’t shake his hand but Jesus Christ shook my life at a church camp in California. James 2:23, mentions that Abraham was regarded as a “friend of God.’ That phrase has been in my mind, mostly because of a chorus by that name I’m singing over and over. The old hymn, “What a friend we have in Jesus,” has the same truth. I’m a friend of God. I will sit as his right hand in heaven. We will laugh together and share eternity as only friends can do.
Jaywalking was fun and memorable, but personally, I’d rather be “Jesus walking.”