Stranger in a Strange Land

Remember the old math equation. If A=B, and B=C, then A=C.
What that adds up to for us guys is this;
A. We love our wives and daughters
B. They love to go to weird places
C. Men sometimes end up as strangers in a strange land

Example # 1 Women’s Underwear Stores.

I’m not talking about the underwear section of a department store. Most guys know that we can sneak over to the electronics section, and watch six different football games at the same time while are wives are skive shopping.

No, this is one of those obnoxious outlet stores. There were bras and panties as far as the eye can see. And that’s the problem. My eye did not want to see this. You can’t look at the displays. You can’t make eye contact with the people. The other women look at you like you’re a Peeping Bob, and the guys have the same “lamb to the slaughter” look that you have. You can’t even look up. There are life sized posters of girls in their unmentionables. So, you’re being led about the hand by your female guide (wife or daughter).
Worse yet is when your women are raptured into the dressing room and leaving you stranded in Playtex Purgatory. This one store had a small place of refuge. A lingerie lifeboat. An underwear oasis. Some kind soul put up a small display area of men’s socks. So picture about 10 guys in a closet type display, pretending to be interested in men’s socks. We were strangers in a strange land.

Example #2. Baby Showers.

I was at one of those about a year or so ago for Joni’s cousin. There was food, so that helped. I discovered that if you eat about a dozen finger sandwiches, it can make a meal. That can also get you banned from the sandwich table. The same applies to the cake table. My son and nephew were also at the shower. They were chickens and fled to the computer room. When the going gets tough, the tough play “Grand Theft Auto.”
So guys, do you know what the girls do at these baby showers? I’m with that great philosopher Linus Van Pelt (of Peanuts and Charlie Brown) Linus, after observing the fuss made over a new baby said “If they ever took the word “cute” out of the English language, we’d all perish.” The same applies to the words “OOOH”, “AAAH” and giggling in general. It was back to the sandwich table.

Example #3 Bridal Showers

I was at one of these on Saturday. It was a duel shower for my daughter in law and my niece. Bridal showers are like baby showers without the baby. I did manage to not get banished from the sandwich table this time. If I grazed by the table, I could sneak a sandwich or even a veggie and no one would notice. You do this about 15 times, and it’s a meal. There was even entertainment at this shower. My son had to stand in for my daughter in law who had to work. Watching him open presents was fun. (He was a great sport about it). He also brought the newest member of our family, a puppy, to the shower, so the ladies had something cute to cuddle with. My other niece was getting ready for her prom at the other end of the house. It was makeup at one end and household items at the other. I was indeed a stranger in a strange land.

John 3:16 reminds us God loves us and sent Jesus to die for us. Jesus left the comforts of heaven to live in our weird, wild world with temptation at every corner. (John 1:14, Heb 4:15). We too are spiritual strangers in a strange land. Philippians 3:20 says, “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,” As citizens of heaven, we are supposed to feel weird and strange in this world, because our home is in heaven. Our minds are with the Master, and our eyes are focused on eternity. We are not to get comfortable here, but to be anxious to go home to heaven.
For now, I’m hanging out at the sandwich table.

Buzzing the Mall

Benny and Betsy, the loving Buzzard couple, were flying above the Valley River Center Mall in Eugene this past week. Let’s listen in to their conversation.

Betsy: Isn’t this romantic?
Benny: It’s a shopping mall Betsy! How can you feel romantic flying over a shopping mall?
Betsy: Because I’m flying with you! (She snuggles in flight) Look down there. We’re not the only two out here tonight. It’s that preacher and his wife from Molalla.
Benny: How do you know them?
Betsy: I have a cousin in Molalla. She says they are down here for a couple of days. Taking some much needed time off.
Benny: So I have a question.
Benny: What that, sweetie?
Benny: Don’t humans normally walk around the INSIDE of a shopping mall?
Betsy: Normally they do, but I think these two love birds walked out the wrong door after the late movie.
Benny: It’s one o’clock in the morning! Are they are going to walk about the entire outside of the mall? Don’t they know how far that is?
Betsy: They’re going to find out. It’s a shame we can’t help them.
Benny: What are we supposed to do, give them a buzzard back ride?
Betsy: I suppose not. I hope they’ll be safe.
Benny: I hope they’re not safe. I could use a late night snack. I think that preacher might raise my cholesterol level though.
Betsy: Benny Buzzard, you leave them alone! You have road kill back at the nest from last night if you’re hungry.
Benny: Okay, Okay, don’t get your feathers in a knot.
Betsy: They do have a long walk. It’s the preacher’s fault. Men just don’t ask for directions.
Benny: He knows where he’s going. (He flies higher) Nope, I guess he doesn’t know where he is going. They are gong to have to walk around the entire mall.
Betsy: I think they’ll be fine. It’s a nice night out, no rain, and I’ll bet they are praying.
Benny: Praying? What good does that do?
Betsy: Benny Buzzard, if you would perch outside of the church with me on Sunday mornings, you wouldn’t ask such questions!
Benny: So is God going to draw arrows on the parking lot?
Betsy: No, God promises that He will protect us. Remember Isaiah 41:10?
Benny: You’re the one that reads the Bible over people’s shoulders at the park
Betsy: Isaiah 41:10 says, 10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Benny: That’s pretty cool. Does God love us too?
Betsy: He created us too silly. Of course He loves us. Oh look, they just spotted their motel. They’ll be fine. (She’ll looks at him slyly). I’ll race you to the road kill!
Benny: Hey, wait up!