Meet My New Friend, Jay Leno

Not exactly a friend, more like a new acquaintance. Okay, not even an acquaintance. Let me explain.

Our family was at Universal Studios Theme Park recently. There are theme park characters walking all around. Joni, and Angie got their picture taken with Zorro. So we go around a corner and I see a guy dressed up in a Jay Leno costume. Only it’s not a costume -it’s Jay Leno! He’s taping a segment of his show called “Jaywalking.” He interviews people on the street in hopes they will have stupid answers to his questions. Joni rushes over, trying to capture the Kodak moment. As she is snapping a picture of one of my idols, this lady walks up to me, clipboard in hand and says,

“Would you like to be interviewed by Jay Leno.?

“Wow.! Would I?” I’m led to a line, and I sign a release form saying I can be on TV, and won’t sue if a camera falls on my head. I’m wearing my floppy hat from Hawaii. With my gray beard, I look like Gilligan in a nursing home. I’m wearing a T-Shirt that says, “ Alcatraz, Psycho Unit: Outpatient.” I’m introduced to Jay, he asks me where I’m from and what I do. I mention I’m a minister. He says,

“So, does that shirt make your congregation nervous?”
I think I said something witty and brilliant like,

“Yes”

The interview itself was a Jaywalking segment called “What you learned in school.” Specifically, there were three sets of questions, 2nd grade, 4th grade, and 8th grade. Jay asked me,
“So, you’ve been to college? Again, my charming comeback,

“Yes”

I got the 2nd grade questions, which were actually easy. So I got moved up to 4th grade.
I remember Mrs. Donohue was my fourth grade teacher. I recall liking her, and having a good year. I obviously didn’t learn anything though. Jay’s next question was
“What do whales eat?” I have a bachelor’s degree, a masters degree, and an earned doctorate. So, my educated answer was

“Uh”

Jay was trying to helpful.
“It’ starts with ‘P”.

I thought about peanut butter, which I’m sure all living things must eat. Jay continued his questions to the brain damaged preacher
“It contains the word plank.”
Back to 2nd grade.
That’s how you get to be on national TV. This interview was not at all how it played out in my imagination. I thought I would be chatting with dear brother Jay, and he would be amused by my whit and charm. He would be so impressed that he would ask me to be one of his writers. I would still live and preach here, but on the side, I would be his main humor writer. Okay, so I have a rich fantasy life. The most whitty thing I did was shake his hand.

I’ve liked Jay Leno for years. He is a good comedian, and I enjoy his humor. I always thought it would be cool to be at a taping for his show, and get to be in the front row and shake his hand as he greets the audience before each monologue.
Now I’ve actually shaken Jay Leno’s hand. And yes, I have washed my hand. (but not before Joni, Angie and Cassie shook it first!.) My hand didn’t glow. I didn’t feel any current or anything special by shaking his hand. But I’ll remember the experience. I’ll tell my grandkids, who will look up at their grandfather with admiration and ask,
“Who’s Jay Leno?” I’m the only one who will remember this experience.
I’m guessing Jay Leno won’t. I say this is because right before the interview, he paused to sign a few autographs, and then turned back to be and said to his crew
“Back to work.”
I’m part of the job. Just one of the dozens of people he interviews, shakes hands with and visits as part of being a big T.V. star. I’m likely the fat guy in the funny hat and shirt.
That’s okay. Now each time I see Jay Leno I’ll know he’s shorter in person than on TV. (he fills my screen) I also know that he doesn’t remember me. I’ll remember though, that more than 30 years ago, I met another celebrity. I didn’t shake his hand but Jesus Christ shook my life at a church camp in California. James 2:23, mentions that Abraham was regarded as a “friend of God.’ That phrase has been in my mind, mostly because of a chorus by that name I’m singing over and over. The old hymn, “What a friend we have in Jesus,” has the same truth. I’m a friend of God. I will sit as his right hand in heaven. We will laugh together and share eternity as only friends can do.
Jaywalking was fun and memorable, but personally, I’d rather be “Jesus walking.”

Do You Know The Way To San Pedro?

I thought I did. Most guys hate to ask directions, and I admit to an attack of Machoism. We were returning to Joni’s sisters’ house after our second fun-filled day at Disney Land. I had made the drive successfully on Monday. Wednesday found me using the same route I successfully took on Monday. It was simple. Go north on I-5, take West 91, and then south 110 and we were home free. Child’s play—a piece of cake. We were laughing, joking and I missed the West 91 turn off.

I refer you to paragraph one. Most guys, when they discover they are lost, will do one of two things:

A. Stop the car, open the hood, and sneak a peek at the map.
B. Drive around hoping something looks familiar, or your wife discovers you are lost, whichever comes first.

It was late, so I opted for Plan B. This stretch of I-5 was not looking at all familiar. My wonderful wife of 26 years was on to me. A quarter of a century of marriage, and hundreds of miles of road trips have led us to an agreement—I don’t have babies and she doesn’t read road maps. Time to switch drivers so I could read the map and Joni could drive. We took an off ramp, pulled over, and made the switch.

I think Los Angeles is experimenting with hiding highway on ramps to cut down on Oregon Tourists. We could not find our way back to the freeway. We drove next to I-5. We drove over it, and under it, but couldn’t get back ON it. We ended up in a, shall we say, suspicious neighborhood. Here’s the picture. We are in LA, driving through a scary neighborhood, at midnight. As we drove by a school, I noticed a group of gang-like boys having a meeting. By the time we had circled the same block three times, I could tell we were now the agenda of their meeting. At this very moment a light flickered on our dashboard. It was in the shape of a car battery. Joni says, “What does that light mean?” It means we are in a heap of trouble.

The story of “Daniel in the Lion’s Den” came to mind, but these lions had headbands and tattoos. My years of seminary training came to mind and I fashioned a well crafted prayer just for this emergency. It went like this…

“GOD, DO SOMETHING, QUICK!!”

Not flowery, but effective. I love it when the Lord bails us out of our stupidity. An onramp appeared. It was even the right highway going in the right direction. We found our way home, the car ran fine (although we replaced the alternator and various other things the next day) and we made it home to Molalla.

Have you ever been on the wrong road? I’m thinking spiritually, not so much geographically. Sometimes I find myself wandering down dangerous roads. I’m sure you’ve been on them, too. They have names like, “Attitude Avenue,” “Selfish Street.” “Grudge Gulch.” In Matthew 7:13-14, Jesus tells us these roads are wide and easy to find. The road that Jesus wants us to walk is narrow and harder to find, but He promises to guide us when we get lost and helps us to find our way home.

Even in LA!